Back to the Beginning

         I know many have wondered why I have not blogged about Amelia's grand finale, her graduation day from speech school. After all, the purpose of the blog was to take you through the journey, and the end goal was to have her listening and speaking beautifully. When the tears come but the words don't that's how you know you have tapped into your soul. What it ultimately came down to is, "How do I end this blog, this story, this chapter in our lives?" Although I originally was going to end the blog once she made it out of speech school, I have decided to continue the blog as we mainstream. I am sure there will be interesting stories. I cannot just sit down and write, "it has to hit me".  Yesterday,  I saw Katherine Hamm on video from the 1950's. Mrs. Hamm was being interviewed about the Atlanta Speech School. And that was it... my writer's block turned to inspiration. When I have no words for the end, I will start at the beginning.  The beginning was Katherine Hamm. I know I have told the story before on my blog, but fairly soon after your child enters the Hamm Center (HOH/deaf part of the Atlanta Speech School), you learn where the name "Hamm" comes from.  When I first heard the story, I was inspired and emotional.  I sat thinking this woman 75 years ago was determined to get help for her deaf son, and in the process changed other peoples lives!  She changed my life.  We chose to aid Amelia and wanted to teach her to listen and speak. The Atlanta Speech School followed through on their promise to us and have produced another success story. 
   
        It's one month later from when I wrote the first part of the blog above. I had to stop. The final weeks before her graduation were overwhelming. I would cry at the drop of a hat and I hate crying! Thoughts crossed my mind of skipping graduation, of running to the beach.  Some people are thinking, "What are you talking about? Aren't you glad?"  After all, there will be no more 2 to 3 hour commutes back and forth every day, there will be no more rushing to the bus stop to get my other kids, there will be no more planning my life around school! However, what also will be no more are coffee with moms, Parent Teacher Club hang outs, subbing at the school and meeting great kids and inspiring stories, teachers that know how to fix hearings aids, find them on a playground, check to see if they are working. Essentially, what I am saying is I am losing a big support system. The moms and I will still get together and have playdates, but it's not going to be every day.  Amelia will be out of the bubble.  She is use to everyone else wearing implants/or hearing aids so I worry about the transition for her.  Now having explained the emotional part of graduation , the actual graduation was a grand finale!  Amelia got up in front of a room of people and delivered a speech at 4 y old that most of us cannot do as adults.  I cannot attach the video, but I have posted it before.  We also had a production company follow us around that day and I hope to show you this soon.  I will attach some pictures as well.  The days after graduation was a relief for me. I would repeat in my head, "I just got my life back" and it felt weird.  Amelia cries every once in a while to see her teachers.  My other kids stayed at home with me and I was the center of their world.  I was their mother and teacher.  It was so hard to let Amelia spend from 3 months old to 4 years old the majority of her time at the Atlanta Speech School.  I remember crying to her teacher, Mrs. Parker, once about an incident where Amelia had scraped her knee and I picked her up to console her.  She cried, "I want Parker!."  It made me so sad that she didn't want me at that moment, but I was happy that she loved her teachers!

      I just can't put into words my life the past 4 years, but I will tell you some things I have learned.  Let me start with the story that made me think to put this in the blog. The other night at the grocery, I was shopping and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a young man signing with his dad. So I did a double take.  He was not signing. His arms were trying to communicate with his dad and he was disabled. I thought to myself ."great! the dad just saw me stare and now I the 100th person today that has shunned them." I got mad at myself, because after all,  my new job will be to help families that have hard of hearing/deaf kids.  A great percentage of these kids will have other disabilities. And Hell, I have a kid with special needs and would not want somebody staring at my kid!! I walked down the next aisle and the dad was telling his son that everything was ok, to keep going....I think he was teaching him how to ride the walmart electronic cart for the first time.  They passed behind me and I had my back towards them getting frozen items. They stopped at the end of the aisle and a woman ran into them.  She without skipping a beat walked up to the young man and shook his hand. She did what I should have done.  The father said,  ( I was halfway down the aisle, so I did not hear every word clear) "Yes my boy graduated Lassiter high school with a baseball scholarship then he had a car wreck." I realized this was my nephew's baseball teammate that had been in a car accident I believe last summer!  The man and his son carried on down the next aisle and the woman that had stopped to talk to them got halfway down the aisle behind me and broke down crying.  I stood there with tears coming into my eyes and I got pissed!  I told myself and I wanted to turn around and scream to the lady..."no you don't get to cry! Those parents are the ones that have to go home with him. There lives changed, not yours, so you don't get to cry!"  I would have had a different reaction that day if I had not been on this journey. I would have stood there and felt sorry and shed a tear.  And in all honesty, it is sad, but the anger came because one of the things I have learned. People forget the parents. I have met and now are friends with parents that have kids dying and kids that have died.  I just want people to remember the parents and the siblings whose lives get changed.  I also have learned a great life lesson...perspective. If I had another "normal" child then my eyes would have never seen this whole other world of blessings and disappointments. Perspective allows you to be thankful/grateful when you should be. Perspective yells at you to get off the floor when you need to.  I think I am ready to publish this post.  I think I am ready to move on to the next chapter of our lives.  I love and want to thank all our family, friends, speech school friends and staff, & Katherine Hamm.  -Scarlett