I started this blog to inform family and friends on Amelia's status the first few months because the situation was ever-changing with doctor visits and processing our new journey. My blog quickly became my therapy session, a way for me to get out feelings. I am not very good with words when I see you face to face, but I manage to formulate them better when I write.
So the past month, I have wanted to write a blog post entitled, "what now?" Amelia is doing great in Speech school.....so great that she most likely will graduate in May. This is wonderful, this is what we have sacrificed so much for!!! For me though, I am also experiencing other anxieties. I worry about her going to public school, how will she be treated in a classroom where she is the only one with hearing aids? Next year will be a real life scenario of what we have been practicing for, training for......the world of mainstreaming. And then comes the real confession of mine...I have felt a bit lost. You see I have dedicated the last four years of my life to Amelia. I have not been able to go back to teaching or focus on some of my life goals, because I have had to put her first. I know we all make sacrifices and we all put our kids first, so maybe some of you reading this understand when I say that I lost myself along the way. Lately, I have been asking myself, "What Now?" Amelia is not going to need me as much so what am I going to do with my life? I need to get some staff development credits if I am going back to teaching. I have learned so much as a stay-at-home mom. I wouldn't be the same teacher as I was when I walked out those door 7 years ago. My eyes have been opened to so many more experiences, struggles, & questions in life.
So tonight I finally sat down to write out these feelings, but from a different angle, because at church today the preacher said, "your condition is not your conclusion." That really stuck with me. He said that 'Whatever your struggles are right now in life, your condition, is not your conclusion. This made me reflect on many situations in my life and my family/friends lives. We all have struggles/conditions that we are in the midst of......but it doesn't have to be your conclusion. It doesn't have to end that way. I once read a quote that said, 'At any moment, you have the power to change the end of your story.' Lately, I have been struggling with feeling of 'what now', what do I do, where is my calling. Today, I was reminded that each struggle in our lives is a 'condition' ,but it's not our conclusion. We must remain strong, remain fighters, follow our dreams, and open our hearts.
-Scarlett- p.s. pictures of Amelia's Fashion Show at Neiman Marcus -Lenox Mall. It was a charity event for the Atlanta Speech School.
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