New Year's Eve

Friday, New Year's Eve, will be the anniversary of us finding out about Amelia's hearing loss.
I must first say that it is interesting that Peter and I feel differently about the upcoming anniversary. From talking to him, he feels more at ease with Amelia's condition now. He said now we are more educated on the subject and he feels more confident that she will thrive. I feel alot of emotions right now when I think about this upcoming anniversary. This year has felt like a marathon....I did not have time to reflect, breakdown, or breathe sometimes. We started this blog a few weeks after we found out, so I thought now I would sit down and write out that day....from my perspective. (We are printing this blog and going to make a book for Amelia so I am trying to be as detailed as possible.)
Christmas Day 2009 came and went. We took a family trip to Gatlinburg, Tn right after Christmas. My gut told me on that trip that we where about to experience some difficult times. We felt like something was wrong with Amelia, but we did not know to what extent. Amelia's ABR (Brain Test) was scheduled for New Year's Eve. Grandma Plunkett, Peter, and I drove down to Scottish Rite Children's Hospital. We sat in a room with 2 audiologists(Courtney and Katherine.) They plugged electrodes up to Amelia's head as she laid in my arms. We got her to sleep and then they started running the tests. I would say about an hour later the tests were done. They said the good thing is she is not completely deaf but she does have hearing loss. The tears started coming....and as they talked shocked set in. We tried to figure out what questions to ask but we had no knowledge on the subject so it was hard. It was liking being in a fog..a dream. The Audiologist were very caring and compassionate. They commented that "You are leaving with same great child you came in with."..which was true. We then decided to go ahead and fit her for her hearing aid molds. Peter said he would hold her, but broke down and left the room. He said this was the moment it finally became real to him. I took over and sat down while they made mold impressions. The ride home was quiet and sad. As we let family and friends know that day you could hear their sadness for us. I actually felt bad when we delivered the news to the grandparents. I knew it was hard for everyone. We cried lots that night......and I think I remember the ball dropping on T.V. as I woke in and out of sleep. Every day that I woke up for the next couple of days felt worse than the last with sadness. I began to question what I had done in my pregnancy and wondered if it was my fault some how. Friends and Family immediately helped find some resources. As doctor appointments started filling our calendars we found ourselves not having time to grieve. As I reflect now, the busyness helped at the time, but also pushed back the grieving process for me. As I think about that day now it almost hurts worse. That day was filled with more shock and today is filled with more sadness and anxiety about the future. That day, New Year's Eve, forever changed our lives. We gladly are looking forward to a new year. We want to thank all those people who helped us along the way. Cheers to a New and Brighter year! -Scarlett (Mommy)