Amelia: Sheltering vs. Shielding

I have been pondering lately the idea of how to best parent my children. I came to the conclusion that I do not want to shelter them...I want to shield them.

When you look up the definitions of these words they are sometimes interchangeable yet I believe they are very different.
Shelter- to prevent someone from having to do or face something difficult or unpleasant.
Shield- protect someone or something from a danger, risk, or unpleasant experience.

One is preventing.... one is protecting.

To shelter is to prevent. When we shelter our kids, where are the lessons? Where are the experiences (good and bad) they will need to face the world when out on their own? We might turn the radio, turn the tv, walk away, but if we don't use it as a teachable moment then someone else will tell our kids their thoughts on the subject. We want our kids to stay innocent, but we want them to also be educated. To educate our child is a big part of our parental job description.

To shield is to protect. When we shield our kids we step in and protect them... when needed. When the consequences or topic is too great, or too dangerous, or too complicated for their age, we step in and edit or shield.

As parents, Peter and I, have decided to not shelter our kids too much, but rather shield.
(Over the past two months, I have not finished this blog post because examples of what I wrote above keep coming...finally I will try.) A few examples:

1. Politics- I guess I decided to get into politics at the wrong time. I have never been interested, because I never really believed in what politicians said they would do. According to the world, I also am backing the most controversial nominee, Trump. Boy, I have taken a beating about my choice. The part I wanted to share that relates to this post is the personal talks I have had with my children about my decision to back Trump. I didn't necessarily want to talk politics in front of them, but they were told by teachers, neighbors, and friends that Trump was bad. I had to explain my point of view and defend why I was supporting Trump to my kids. That talk included media bias, the right to free thought and opinions, and to respect the other side. I hope my children can at least appreciate that I was willing to stand alone, stand up, and stand strong.
2. World Events-The Orlando Massacre happened a week ago. I remember listening to a morning radio show and they were discussing the topic of how much do you tell your child when tragedies happen. Age and personality of the kids definitely play a role. When the news of Orlando first broke, I did not let my kids see the TV. I shielded them at first, but I didn't shelter. Kids sense when things are wrong and I eventually let my kids know what had happened. I find kids will assess a situation and often give us adults some pure insight. It affects their world so I believe they have a right to know. When Sandy Hook happened they were directly affected by new school policies. My kids saw more police presence at school and had a buzz button installed to get into their school. I wish as parents we could shield & shelter them from all outside evil, but that is not possible.
3. Social-We went to Florida spring break. A young man got highly intoxicated and an ambulance had to come onto the beach. Many parents walked their kids away or would have. We did move away from the scene, but then we talked to our kids about the situation. We did not shelter them, because there were lessons to be taught. We try to give them simple yet powerful messages when it comes to drugs. Recently, they saw the coverage of the death of Prince. I think I made them listen to every Prince song over and over for two weeks. I tried to mix a little music history with real life...as I did with Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston.
4. Personal-Our house got broken into by a contractor this past year. My most meaningful pieces of jewelry were taken. The justice system has been a disappointment.. in my opinion. I have shielded my kids from the legal process, but they have been exposed to unsafe feelings of having their home broke into. I wish we could have prevented this, but we cannot control everything. We want to protect our home and family, but sometimes we cannot. Another personal example of deciding whether to shield or shelter is death of a loved one. I know every circumstance is different, but we wanted our kids to be as comfortable with death as they could be. If that makes sense. When their great-grandmother died at her home, we took them over to sit by her bed. It gave them a moment of reflection, a moment to say goodbye, and a moment to experience death. What if next time it was a parent or a sibling? What if the next time it was not peaceful, but brutal? I wanted them to sit in the uncomfortable unknown and meet Death...an inevitable part of life so that maybe down the road they would be able to stand strong in a difficult time.

Everybody's parenting skills are their own right, but I thought it was an interesting parenting topic that I have been thinking about and wanted to share. I think each generation worries about the next. They try to instill lessons learned, missed opportunities, & new ideas. Nobody is a perfect parent, but may we strive to parent with purpose. May we find clarity in when to shelter and when to shield.
Scarlett Giles
attached pics of Amelia these past few months