I started this blog to update friends and family of Amelia's journey, but I know that it's not just her journey. I wanted to write about all three of my children in this post. All of them have taught me so much about myself and life. They each have a story that has shaped me.
Colin's Story-Perseverance, Strength, Sacrifice
When I finally felt like it was the right time to start having kids life gave me irony. It took us a year to get pregnant with Colin. It was frustrating, but taught us perseverance. One day, Peter came home with a tennis trophy and I one-up'd him with a positive pregnancy test:) We surprised our family with the news on Easter with the message hidden in the eggs. At the time, the Giles family had four brothers that had four boys..so I was feeling the pressure to deliver a girl. We went to find out the sex and they told us, IT"S A BOY =no surprise. However, what came next was a surprise. The doctor told us that the ultrasound showed some concerns in the brain. We were referred to a perinatologist and spend the next two weeks wondering and wrestling with ideas. We wanted a baby...this baby. If downs syndrome was the outcome then we told ourselves that we would accept that. Peter researched more specifically what the doctors had said and later told me that one of the outcomes was death of the unborn fetus. He shielded me from this information. Once we saw the specialist, they gave us statistics that favored us having a healthy baby. I started focusing my attention to the birthing process. My mentor and friend, Kate, let me watch her give natural childbirth (no meds...old school woman power.) It was nothing like they portray on t.v. with a woman out of control and screaming. It was intense yet peaceful to see her labor. She had pain, but she focused..she breathed...she trusted her body. Once I witnessed this I knew that this is what I wanted my birth to be like. As I shared with my family they started laughing and even taking bets that I would not last very long without medication or epidural. I highly recommend the book, Birthing from Within. It teaches you about mind over matter in the moments of pain and it got me to visualize what kind of birthing environment I wanted. The day came and I went into labor. I did it my way- rocking in a chair, breathing, no meds, visualizing in a dark room. The doctor finally said you are at 10 and can start pushing...I loved the amazement on all of my family's faces. Things took a turn during pushing. I could not get Colin out, but C-section was not in my vocabulary so I marched on. I tried..but a few hours later Colin Harvey(named after Peter's dad) was born via C-section. He was healthy and we experienced a new type of love. So getting pregnant I learned perseverance. During labor I learned how much strength I had. Once I had Colin I learned about sacrifice: cosleeping, nursing, not sleeping...my life became about someone else not just myself and it changed my life for the better.
Kendall's Story-Free spirit, Sweet spirit
Since it took us a while to get pregnant with Colin we started early with Kendall....and got pregnant the second month..haha. So Colin and Kendall are 20 months apart. I would not have it any other way. I told Peter the other day, "you know they will always have each others' back before ours." They are so tight and loyal to each other. Colin and I made a sign on the refrigerator to surprise Peter with those alphabet magnets that said, "mommy's pregnant!" We had Colin wear a shirt on Christmas Eve that said, "Big Brother" to surprise the family. After 9 straight boys in the Giles Family, Kendall was the first girl!! We surprised the grandmothers by getting pink bouquets delivered to their houses. I struggled with whether to go VBAC with Kendall. The day before I had her I made peace and opted for a 2nd C-section. We adjusted to the tag teaming of two kids fairly quickly. Kendall Scarlett was a bald-headed beauty, but there was something else that people started commenting about. She had a hoarse voice...like a blues singer. The voice did not concern me until she started throwing up in the car. It started happening daily. I thought maybe she is car sick? I remember one day in particular where she had thrown up and I was pulled over on the side of the road. I stripped her down to her diaper and realized that I was just down the road from her pediatrician's office. I felt so desperate for answers that I busted into the office without an appointment and told them to help me and my child. We were referred to a Pediatric Gastro doctor and they scoped her and found that she had an ulcer. She takes meds 2x a day every day still. She suffers a lot with her stomach, but she silently and graciously deals with it. This is part of her amazing spirit. She is so sweet spirited-she puts others before herself. She is a love hippie that I aspire to be. Sometimes I want to give her my fire...after all, I am an Aries. She also had to be checked out for seizures when she was a baby. We talk a lot about Amelia and her hearing, but we always knew that her life was not in danger. Kendall on the other hand had us scared. It's hard to see your baby in pain. She is a our free-spirited, sweet-spirited little girl.
Amelia's Story- Fighter, Spiritual
I have told the long version before so the short version is Amelia was a surprise!! We were going to have 3 or 4 kids, but was not trying at the time. I called Peter on the phone on the way home from the doctor. Are you sitting down.......I'm pregnant:) We surprised the grandparents with a message in their Valentine's chocolate boxes. Amelia was my 3rd C-section. I never do well with meds so delivery and after were bumpy, but she came out healthy. We got a definitive diagnosis of hearing loss for her at 3 months old and of course our life's perspective got changed. Amelia is like me..fire and ice. She either loves you a lot or walks the other way. She is strong willed and stubborn, which is sometimes positive and sometimes negative. She is a fighter....and I think out of all the children she needed this trait the most. When she gets older kids will not be so nice about her hearing aids, but I believe she will tell them where to go:) She had made me a fighter and an advocate. Amelia also reminds me of the spiritual world through the links to my grandmother.
So all my kids have different personality traits, but all have impacted my life. Colin taught me perseverance, strength, and sacrifice. Kendall pushes me to be more free spirited and sweet. Amelia brings out the fighter and spiritual side of me. I will have to spend the rest of my life trying to give back what they have given me in their short lives thus far.
I dedicate this song to my kids
-Lovesong by The Cure (Adele does a great version now)
"However far away, I will always love you.
However long I stay, I will always love you.
Whatever words I say, I will always love you. "
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