Amelia, Ava, and an Angel

I titled this post: "Amelia, Ava, and an Angel" because the month of October for me is a time of reflection upon life and death. The Angel is my grandmother whom I was very close to. I have told this story in bits and pieces, but I want to put it in the blog. I want to convert the blog to a book for Amelia. Here it goes:

The Secret/The Surprise-January 2009-Finally listening to my inner self, I went to the doctor because of some health issues.Doctor said could you be pregnant and I said 98% no. The doctor came in and I said, "Am I dying? What's wrong with me?" and he said, "No, your pregnant!" The next couple of moments were awkward for everyone. As I made my way home my shock turned to excitement. At this time my grandmother was struggling with Cervical Cancer and was not given long. I visited her and told her, the secret, that I was pregnant. My fear was that she would pass and I would not have told her.
The Transfer- March 2009- I was 3 months pregnant with Amelia. Peter came home unexpectedly from work and I saw it in his face. He told me my grandmother might not make it through the day. We packed and left for Augusta quickly. My biggest fear was that she would die before I made it. I had to say goodbye.....I needed to say goodbye. I should have known that she would not pass so easily for it is not in her character to go lightly. As I sat by her bed for a couple of days, I bounced back in forth from telling her that it was ok to leave and then to say please don't leave. I was holding her hand when she passed and I believe that parts of her spirit transferred into my unborn child.
The Birth- October 2009- Amelia was due any day now....yes in the same month as my grandmother was born. The day of my c-section, my Aunt Peggy was on the road driving home. She told me that she often talked to my grandmother in those quiet car rides. She had not thought about the fact that I was having Amelia that day until she said that my grandmother came to her and said that she needed to go to Scarlett..she needs me...and she's having a girl(we did not find out the sex.) At that very same time (because we figured out the time later) I lay struggling in the operating room. I never do well with medicine and this time my epidural for the c-section was all out of wack. They put me under and Peter had to leave. A little girl, Amelia Susan Giles, was born on October 2nd.
Ava Grace- October 16th, 2009- As if my grandmother had not made herself known to be among us, there came another sign that she is always here. Our good friends, the Gagnon's, were expecting a baby around Halloween. Kara, went into labor early and Ava Grace, Amelia's best friend, was born ON my grandmother's birthday. Amelia and Ava remind me of my grandmother. Their curly hair, their stubborness, their eyes. Sometimes I feel like when I am looking at Amelia it's my grandmother.
The Shock- December 31st-2009-After 3 months of Amelia failing hearing tests we got the confirmation from an ABR (brain test) that she was hearing impaired. I knew....I often asked my grandmother to come to me and tell me the truth. And I always felt like she was saying, "yes...she has hearing loss." My Aunt Lynn told me once that grandma had often wondered what it would have been like to be deaf. I think that this is another sign that part of her spirit lives within my child.
For some of you, I know this all may sound wacky and hard to grasp, but I believe. I believe that in Death there is Life and in Life there is Death. And I believe this because there is Amelia, there is Ava, and there is an Angel...my grandmother who floats among us. -Scarlett
pictures:-my grandmother with Colin, Ava and Amelia, and all 3 of my kids :)